The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
- Christopher Columbus claimed America for Spain. If the British had never come here, we would all be speaking Spanish — as opposed to just half of the country speaking Spanish.
- The banks were closed for the holiday. Some of them are expected to reopen tomorrow.
- The stock market skyrocketed today. See what happens when the banks and the federal government shut down for a day?
Late Show With David Letterman
- Christopher Columbus, an Italian, moved to Spain and then discovered America, although many Americans believe he was actually born in Kenya.
The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson
- Every year, Columbus Day forces us to ask some very interesting questions, such as, “Is the post office open?”
- It’s Canadian Thanksgiving, a day that Canadians gather around and watch dad carve up the hockey puck.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
- Christopher Columbus was an Italian explorer who came to exploit our native population and infect them with smallpox. And 500 years later, we’ve exacted our revenge by sending Snooki to Italy.