Top Ten Questions to Ask Yourself Before Buying The Japanese Toilet Bike

Late Show Top 10

10. A toilet and a bike in one — where do I sign? 
9. Can I save money by buying a used toilet bike? 
8. Do they make a recumbent toilet bike? 
7. Can I save 15 percent on toilet bike insurance by switching to Geico? 
6. Would it be safer to buy a toilet car? 
5. Does my city have a toilet bike lane? 
4. Will my friends think I'm showing off? 
3. No number 3 — writer buying a toilet bike 
2. Why can't America build a decent toilet bike? 
1. Where did my life go wrong?

"Top Ten Signs There's Trouble in the Democratic Party."- David Letterman

Top Ten Reason To Watch The Baseball Playoffs

10. Fox's coverage now extends to the post-game shower
9. What are we gonna do, watch hockey?
8. One lucky viewer will win a free Tommy John surgery
7. We just had the Phillie Phanatic clipped, wormed, and neutered
6. Trips to the mound now include a fabulous “Glee”-style dance number
5. Crack of the bat replaced by comical "boing" sound
4. Do you really need an excuse to sit on the couch and drink beer?
3. Mention my name and you can rebroadcast the game without express written consent of Major League Baseball
2. It's about time the Yankees got some attention from the national media
1. If you're watching this, you'll watch anything

From The Late Show with Letterman

10 Most Stupid Predictions and Statements in History

1.This was the first, and undoubtedly the last expedition that will see this useless place. This sentence was uttered by Lieutenant Joseph Ives after the expedition to the Grand Canyon 1861st .Today, five million people every year visit this “useless place.” 

2.HIV Is Not the Cause of AIDS By Peter H. Duesberg.
Peter Duesberg said this, unfortunately, completely wrong statement 1988th.

 3.”People will never make a bigger  plane.”
This was once said by a Boeing engineer, after the first flight of Boeing 247, which could accommodate 10 passengers.

 4.”It’s better for you to become secretary or get married than to do this” This advice was given to Marilyn Monroe by the photo models Agency 1944th .What a mistake!

 5. ”You are crazy if you think that we are looking for oil”  Associates of Edwin Drake’s voyage were completely confused by this “stupid idea” Edwin Drake’s voyage, the first man who began making oil drilling in the U.S. 1859th

 6.”We do not like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out of fashion.”
Probably the biggest mistake by the publishing house  Grandpa Recording made in 1962. refused the famous Beatles.

 7.”The phone has too many flaws to be seriously considered as a means of communication.
Western Union statement in 1876th . Estimates Wrong.

 8.”I think there is a world market for maybe five computers..”
This was  said by Thomas Watson, Chairman IBM, 1943.  This is actually true in the next 10 years.  After that, complete crap.

 9.”Television won’t last because people will soon get tired of staring at…”
Incredibly stupid, statements regarding the future of their own field … Lee deForest, American radio pioneer and inventor of the vacuum tube, 1957

 10.“There is no reason why someone would want a computer in their home.”
This was  the opinion given by  Ken Olson, president and founder of Digital Ekvipment.  And not so long ago, 1977.

Top Ten Ways BP Can Improve Its Image

Late Show Top Ten 
Top Ten Ways BP Can Improve Its Image
10. Change "BP" from "British Petroleum" to "Bunnies and Puppies"
9. Scrap the snotty British accents
8. Cry on "Oprah"
7. Take a page from AFLAC. New mascot: wise-cracking oil-soaked duck
6. Find bin Laden
5. Start making cookies. Who doesn't love cookies?
4. What's wrong with our image?
3. Switch from "Drill, Baby, Drill" to "Help, Daddy, Help"
2. Instead of their image, maybe they can focus on fixing the damn leak!
1. For goodness sakes, get Iron Man to do something!

10 Questions to Ask in the New Year

The beginning of a new year is an ideal time to stop, look up, and get our bearings. To that end, here are some questions to ask prayerfully in the presence of God.

1. What’s one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?
2. What’s the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?
3. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?
4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?
5. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?
6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?
7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?
8. What’s the most important way you will, by God’s grace, try to make this year different from last year?
9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?
10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?

Whitney writes:

The value of many of these questions is not in their profundity, but in the simple fact that they bring an issue or commitment into focus. For example, just by articulating which person you most want to encourage this year is more likely to help you remember to encourage that person than if you hadn’t considered the question.

Whitney also offers an additional 21 questions to help us “consider our ways.”
Read the whole article here.
Justin Taylor

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Signs Oprah Doesn't Care Anymore
10. Greets guests with, "What do you want?"
9. When Dr. Phil's name comes up, Oprah mutters, "Quack"
8. Instead of "woo hoo," can only muster a "woo"
7. Dumped Stedman for that "Jon and Kate" dude
6. Yesterday's show was Oprah watching an episode of "Tyra"
5. Hosts program in sweatpants and Tweety Bird T-shirt
4. Friday show now entirely devoted to her college and pro football picks
3. "Oprah's Book Club" now "Oprah's Bookie Club"
2. Today's topic: "Oprah Takes A Nap"
1. Last three guests were Johnnie Walker, Jim Beam, and Jose Cuervo

Late Show Top Ten - For Detroit Lions Fans

Top Ten Revelations In Chad Ochocinco's Autobiography
10. The book is all about my life as a hockey mom from Alaska
9. I was once put on the disabled list when they found an ocho in my cinco
8. During the season my QB Carson Palmer and I sleep in bunk beds
7. I'm going to ask Tom Hanks to play me in the movie
6. There's nothing like winding down after a big game with a Red Bull and a DVR of "Tyra"
5. I like tacos
4. Brett Favre is so old, his social security number is 1
3. Terrell Owens doesn't like it when you criticize his teammate
2. I'm planning a special touchdown celebration that involves pulling a dancing raccoon out of my pants
1. I thank the Lord every day I don't play for the Lions

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Questions On The Northwest Airlines Pilot Job Application
10. How many sleep hours have you logged while flying?
9. Do you have any flight experience because if not, that's totally cool
8. How many times have you safely landed a plane in a river?
7. Are you at the controls of an airplane right now?
6. Are you a cop?
5. Do you have a good attorney?
4. Name the jet engine that makes this sound: Pssshhhhhheeewwwwwww!
3. Are you available for both take-offs and landings?
2. Besides "using my laptop" and "having a heated conversation" what other lame excuses can you come up with for falling asleep in the cockpit and missing an airport by 150 miles?
1. Are you drunk right now?

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Signs You Are Watching A Bad Ghost Movie
10. Instead of ghosts, house haunted by goats
9. The only "Boo!" you hear is the audience yelling at the screen
8. Main characters spend bulk of movie in bed with swine flu
7. Directed by M. Night Shyamalan's brother, Larry Night Shyamalan
6. Ghost torments people by making delicious paella and not sharing it
5. Creature absent from film for 80 minutes while working on his laptop
4. Creepy sounds turn out to be improperly loaded dishwasher
3. Ghost haunts people for attention so it can get a reality show deal
2. Scariest thing is the size of the large soda they sell at the snack counter
1. Evil spirit does all of its haunting via Twitter

Top Ten Northwest Airlines Pilot Excuses

Late Show Top Ten 
Top Ten Northwest Airlines Pilot Excuses
10. "Bunch of fat guys seated on right side of plane made us vector east"
9. "We get paid by the hour"
8. "MapQuest always takes you the long way"
7. "Tired of that show-off Sullenberger getting all the attention"
6. "You try steering one of those airplanes after eight or nine cocktails"
5. "Wanted to catch end of in-flight movie"
4. "Activating autopilot and making occasional P.A. announcements is exhausting"
3. "According to our map, we only missed target by half-an-inch"
2. "For a change, decided to send luggage to the right city and lose the passengers"
1. "Thought we saw Balloon Boy"

Chuck Swindoll: 10 Leadership Lessons Learned in 50 Years of Leadership

Chuck Swindoll, accepting a Lifetime Achievement Award at Catalyst 09, offered the following lessons ^[1] he has learned:

1. It’s lonely to lead. Leadership involves tough decisions. The tougher the decision, the lonelier it is.
2. It’s dangerous to succeed. I’m most concerned for those who aren’t even 30 and are very gifted and successful. Sometimes God uses someone right out of youth, but usually he uses leaders who have been crushed.
3. It’s hardest at home. No one ever told me this in Seminary.
4. It’s essential to be real. If there’s one realm where phoniness is common, it’s among leaders. Stay real.
5. It’s painful to obey. The Lord will direct you to do some things that won’t be your choice. Invariably you will give up what you want to do for the cross.
6. Brokenness and failure are necessary.
7. Attitude is more important than actions. Your family may not have told you: some of you are hard to be around. A bad attitude overshadows good actions.
8. Integrity eclipses image. Today we highlight image. But it’s what you’re doing behind the scenes.
9. God’s way is better than my way.
10. Christlikeness begins and ends with humility.

Late Show Top Ten - Top Ten Surprising Facts About Stewart Cink

Top Ten Surprising Facts About Stewart Cink

10. I forgot my clubs, so I had to putt with my shoe
9. Instead of "fore" I often yell "hit the deck losers"
8. I can fit seven golf balls in my mouth
7. Most people think I sell plumbing supplies
6. I called Tiger Woods last night, I laughed and I hung up
5. This morning I drove from JFK to midtown in a golf cart
4. I once got my tongue caught in a ball washer
3. My street name is 50-Cink
2. I've already spent my winnings on gum
1. Even I was rooting for Tom Watson

Top Ten Classified Pieces Of Information Revealed By Joe Biden

Late Show Top Ten

10. Biden confirmed vice president has no actual responsibilities
9. Obama also bought his kids a kangaroo
8. Nixon faked his death to escape gambling debts
7. In case of trouble, President's car can turn into a fighting robot
6. To enter Oval Office, you must know the president's secret fist-bump
5. Biden often skips staff meetings to watch "Jon And Kate Plus Eight"
4. America will declare that it's going out of business next Tuesday
3. Obama smokes in his sleep
2. When Bush ran out of pate at a state dinner, he fed Queen Elizabeth week-old taco meat
1. Dick Cheney once caught waterboarding himself

Matthew Stafford on David Letterman Top 10

Here is the #1 pick in the NFL draft and future quarterback of the Detroit lions reading the top ten list on the Late Show

U2's Top Ten - On Letterman

Top Ten Things That U2 Has Learned Over The Years

TOP TEN REJECTED NEW BOOKS ON SPIRITUAL GROWTH

10. The Benefits of Delayed Obedience.
9. Multi-level Marketing for Apostles.
8. How to Have a Non-prophet Church.
7. Discipling for Dummies.
6. How to Fast Between Meals.
5. Deferred Tithing.
4. Living Simply For Fun and Profit.
3. Betcha Can’t Quit Gambling.
2. 101 New Christian Clicheˊs.

1. Sacrifice Made Easy.

Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Things Hillary Clinton Wants To Accomplish On Her Trip Overseas

10. Exchange U.S. dollars for currency that's worth something
9. Win respect defeating Japan's top-ranked sumo wrestler
8. Shift world's perception of America from "hated" to "extremely disliked"
7. Personally thank all of her illegal campaign donors
6. Three words: stylish Indonesian pantsuits
5. Visit burial site of revered Chinese military leader, General Tso
4. Get drunk with that Japanese finance minister guy
3. Convince China to switch from lead-tainted products to mercury-tainted products
2. Catch Chinese screening of Benjamin Button entitled "The Strange Adventures of Freaky Grandpa Baby"
1. Pick up carton of duty-free smokes for Obama

Late Show Top Ten - Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans

10. "I miss the Clinton administration when we'd meet at Hooters"
9. "Can we wrap this up? I've got tickets to the 4:30 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop'"
8. "Smoke break!"
7. "You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice"
6. "Mr. President, don't misunderestimate the Republicans"
5. "Another smoke break!"
4. "What was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"
3. "About that tax the rich stuff . . . you were joking, right?"
2. "Sir, it's refreshing to have a chief executive who speaks in complete sentences"
1. "Senator Craig's offering his stimulus package in the men's room"

Late Show Top Ten - Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

Top Ten Ways Rod Blagojevich Can Improve His Image

10. Star in new television series, "America's Funniest Haircuts"
9. Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop
8. Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like "BLAGOOOOYYYYYJEVICH"
7. Offer a Senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest
6. Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape
5. Change his name to Barod Obamavich
4. Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River
3. I don't know . . . how about showing up for his impeachment trial?
2. Wear sexy dresses, high heels, and say, "You Betcha!" a lot
1. Uhhh . . . resign?