The average college graduate now leaves
school $27,000 in debt. But the good news is that now it means they are more
than qualified to work as financial advisers at JPMorgan. (Leno)
President Obama went on "The
View." He went on "The View" because they're the only group of
women the president trusts his Secret Service agents to be around.
(Conan)
The head of the banking giant JPMorgan has
apologized for losing over $2 billion in a bad trade. This morning he said,
"Hey, it could have been worse. We could have signed Albert Pujols."
(Conan)
Television is cruel. You know how the cast
of "CSI: Miami" found out they were being canceled? They were doing
an autopsy on a guy and they found the pink slip in his stomach.
(Letterman)
Officials in London plan to use
high-pitched and painful sounds to disperse large crowds at the Olympics this summer.
Or as the cast of "The View" put it, "Looks like we're going to
the Olympics!" (Fallon)
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